The Healing Process
by new adventures
Summary: A one-shot based on events in episode 6x03. Spoilers if you haven't seen that episode yet. This is what my mind thinks might happen after that episode. Enjoy!


_**This is just a little one-shot that found its way into my head after last night's awesome episode, Praesidium (6x03). It's kind of like the next step... The story is told in the regular type, and flashbacks are in italics. I do not own any of these characters, and I am only borrowing the actual dialogue from episode 6x03 of NCIS: Los Angeles. Enjoy!**_

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><p>"… need to find a safe place away from her to keep it," Sam said as he related some incident at the Hanna household.<p>

Safe place… safe place… those words echoed in Kensi's mind, and took her back to the last time she had heard them.

_"Kensi, I think you are doing well considering all you've been through. But you do need to get it out of you – talk about it and release it from keeping a hold on you. By keeping it all locked up inside, you are giving the memories power over you. Power to bubble up and affect you over and over again. Don't let them have that power over you anymore." Nate looked Kensi in the eye as he relayed this information, letting her know he was concerned but not lecturing._

_She shook her head and bit her bottom lip. She opened and closed her mouth a few times before finally speaking. "I'm tough. I should be over this already. Why can't I get over it?" She looked up at the sky with eyes wide open, willing herself not to cry in front of Nate._

_"It takes time. I know that's a cliché, but it's also quite true. Healing is a process, not a destination. You have to be patient with yourself. Other than your interview with Ms. Wallace, have you spoken to anyone else about the details of what happened?"_

_Kensi closed her eyes tight and dropped her chin down to her chest. "No. I… I can't, Nate."_

_Nate gently reached out and placed a hand on Kensi's shoulder. "Yes, you can. Let me ask you this: Where is your safe place? Where do you feel the most secure?" After merely a shoulder shrug from her, he continued. "Once you can figure that out, I think you will be ready to open up and release the power these memories have on you, and begin healing for good."_

"Kens? Hello?" The voice came from right next to her.

"What? No, I'm here. Just busy finishing up," she replied while looking around.

"Callen was asking if you wanted in on drinks tonight. Celebrate another case closed up right," Sam told her.

Kensi shook her head. "No, I - I don't think so. Thanks anyway guys. Have fun." She tried to muster up a believable smile as the elder partners walked out. Then she turned to her partner.

"Deeks? Do you, um… do you have a minute?" she timidly asked him.

He paused in the packing of his messenger bag to look at her. "Yeah, sure. I have all the time you need. Is everything ok?"

Deeks dropped the bag on his desk and walked over towards Kensi. She stepped around to the front of her desk, so the partners were standing in front of each other.

"I was thinking back to something you said to me earlier –" she began to say when Deeks jumped in.

"So you were thinking about my awesome glutes when I bent over to pick up that paperclip!"

Kensi lifted her hand up, already balled into a fist ready to punch him in the arm for the comment. Then she took a deep breath, lowered it back down to her side, and relaxed her hand.

Deeks looked at her seriously. "Hey, what's going on? You know you can talk to me, right?"

She nodded slowly and pursed her lips together, as if afraid of what words would come out next. After a few moments of silence between them in the now empty mission building, Kensi spoke.

"Do you remember that day at the boat shed? Right after I had to talk to Wallace about Hetty… and Afghanistan?" she asked him.

Deeks nodded but said nothing. He remembered it well. It was the day Kensi finally gave him a glimpse into her struggle, and allowed him to comfort her if even for a short while.

_"Oh my god, come here," Deeks said as he pulled Kensi into his arms. She wrapped her arms tightly around him._

_"It's ok," he told her._

_"I just want to forget what happened," she admitted with a shaky voice into his shoulder._

_"Shhh. Shhh. I know you do. I know you do but you can't. And the harder you try the harder it's just going to fight back. Trust me. You just gotta let it out. You gotta make peace with it. That takes time."_

_Kensi let go of Deeks and took a step back, trying to wipe the tears that had fallen down her cheeks. _

_"I'm so much tougher than this," she said trying to assure herself._

_"I know you are. You're tougher than me and that's tough…" he told her, not letting her look away. Deeks gently brushed away a tear from her cheek. "…even with this adorable veneer."_

_Kensi smiled and shook her head, half-heartedly laughing. "And just like that – the moment is way gone."_

_"That's ok – I got more moments."_

Kensi looked directly at Deeks. "I think I, uh, I need one of your moments. Two, maybe, or - or more than two? I don't really know right now."

"Yeah, of course. I told you I have more. Ready anytime you need them," he softly replied. He watched her for a moment. Her hair was down and had fallen in front of her shoulders. She looked especially beautiful, and he wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around her right then. Deeks waited quietly, though, letting her set the pace for whatever type of moment she needed from him.

Kensi covered her face with her hands and looked down at the ground. "Oh god," she half whispered. "I don't even know where to start, or… or how to start."

"You just do, Kensi. Wherever it makes the most sense to you. That's where you start." His voice was soft and gentle and comforting.

She looked up and let her hands fall. Deeks could see her eyes were already gathering tears, though none had fallen yet. Kensi opened and closed her mouth several times before finally finding the words she wanted to say.

"I don't… I don't know how to do this Deeks. I feel like I'm being haunted, like for the rest of my life these are the only images I am going to see." She bit her lip to try to maintain control over her tears and emotions. "I don't know how to start letting go." A tear fell.

Deeks took a step so he was next to her and put his arm around her. "Shhh. It's ok." He guided her over to the nearby couch. They sat down and more tears fell down.

"I know how you are feeling. Believe me, I know. When you feel safe, you'll be ready to start. Decide that you want the power back over your own life," he shared. Nate had shared this advice with him during his own period of recovery.

Kensi wiped a tear away and leaned into him. "I don't want to remember it and yet it's something I can't forget." She paused, gathering her thoughts. "This is so hard, but I'm supposed to be tougher than this. How do I do this Deeks? Please. Please tell me."

"You can talk to me about it, share it with me – that is if you want to."

She lifted her head and sat up a little straighter. Kensi didn't have to think about her answer; it felt right and it felt safe. "I do. I want to Deeks, with you. Will you help me?"

"Absolutely. Whenever you're ready. I'm not going anywhere." He settled down into the couch cushions, pulled Kensi close to his side, and got ready for probably the most important conversation of his life – of her life – of their lives.

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><p><em><strong>If you wouldn't mind, I would love to hear your thoughts on this in the form of a review or private message. It's been a while since I've written any fanfic (and no, I have not forgotten my other story "The Storm before the Calm". Had some writer's block and then really busy with real life.).<strong>_


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